Chapter One
Josie
Three days ago, I killed someone. A
dozen times a night, and every time I close my eyes, I see his body convulse as
the bolt of lightning I Pushed struck his body. I still see Santos’s face
contorted in pain before he sinks under the surface of the water.
I
opened my eyes after brushing my hair and swept my toiletries off the
faux-marble counter into my backpack. Stepping out of the bathroom, I scanned
the rest of the room for my belongings. My bra lay on the floor where I’d
dropped it the night before, next to the paisley bedding. It had been beyond
embarrassing shimmying that thing off under my shirt when I was right next to
my hottie bedmate.
I
plopped my backpack on the bed and grabbed my blue bra. It was still dangling
from my hand when the door leading to the parking lot swung open and Reid
smiled at me from the threshold.
Perfect.
Of course he walked in at this exact moment.
My
face flashed with heat. I scrambled to stuff my garment into my bag, but the
clasp hooked on one of my bracelets. Working the clasp off my bracelet took way
more effort and time than it should have. The stupid thing was stuck. I peeked
up at Reid to see if he was still looking at me. Wrinkles formed in the corners
of his eyes as he coughed into his hand. He looked over his shoulder as he
pretended to hack up a lung to camouflage a laugh.
Sharing
the motel room with Reid, my trainer in charge of my safety, was convenient and
safer. But him being my kind-of-sort-of-boyfriend also meant I was hyper-aware
of personal stuff, like the time I spent showering or Reid catching me staring
at him constantly. I mean, we shared a bed and were definitely into each other,
but he’d never seen my bra before – on or off.
He’d
now witnessed me wrestle with my undergarment – and lose. Which was both
slightly embarrassing as his trainee and absolutely mortifying as his
kind-of-girlfriend.
Reid
looked at me, his brows pulling up in sympathy. He crossed the tiny motel room
in three strides and stopped beside me. His warm hand touched my wrist as he
studied the clasp and gently unhooked it from my bracelet. He caught my lacy
bra before it fell to the bed.
Reid
Wentworth was touching my bra, and my boobs weren’t even in it. What were the
odds of that?
He’d
worked my bra better than I had. How exactly had he gotten his bra-handling
knowledge? The thought made me break into a full-body sweat.
Reid
turned to face me. “I just turned in the room key. Cohen, my contact from the
Hub, called while you were in the shower. The Hub gave us the green light to a
safe house outside Flagstaff. We gotta pack ASAP and get on the road. They want
us there before nightfall.”
I
sat on the bed. “I’ll be ready in three minutes. I think I’ll miss this room,
though.” We’d only spent one night, but something about it felt more secure
than our two previous stops.
My
bra was still in his hands. I yanked
from him. “Thank you.”
“I’ll
help you with your bra anytime. Just say the word.” He winked.
I
wanted to hide.
“Wait.”
He pulled his duffle to the bed. “You’ll miss the mustiness of a 70s motel in
need of a major facelift?”
With
the bra safely tucked away, I bent to lace up my boots. “I know, it’s weird,
but I like this place.”
He
walked into the bathroom and came out with his toiletries. “You like the wood
paneling, the shaggy Muppet carpet, and an air conditioner that’s louder than
my bike?”
I
peeked toward the rattling air unit. Despite the jolting noise, the curtains
floated gracefully above the machine like paisley ghosts.
The
room seemed more hidden than the other places we’d stayed, nestled in the woods
somewhere in New Mexico. We drove highways instead of interstates all the way
from Florida to stay under the radar, but I still felt exposed, afraid someone
would see us. Now the mountains and trees gave me a sense of coverage, of
safety.
I
tied up my other boot. “Yeah, it’s old, but I like it.”
Hiding,
tucked away in a dark room, I could almost pretend I hadn’t murdered another
human being. Being around people reminded me that I was dangerous, that I was
an incomprehensible monster. Maybe I was keeping others safe if I was hidden.
A
loud, deep buzz sounded, drilling into the recent memory of gunfire and
weapons, of people dying. My heart paused and I dropped to the floor, kneeling
behind the bed.
Reid
strode to the bedside table where his phone buzzed, but his wide eyes watched
me, worry etched on his face.
Duh.
Way to jump to conclusions. Chill out,
Josie. I forced myself to stand.
The
phone buzzed again, vibrating against the wood and reverberating in my bones. I
blinked and jerked, almost an involuntary flinch.
It’s just his phone. Get a grip.
But
a buzz meant someone was contacting Reid, contacting us. And any communication
was bad news at this point.
Reid
stepped to me hesitantly, as if he were approaching a skittish stray dog.
Understanding flashed across his face. “That will probably happen for a while.
But it will get better.” He touched my hand for a moment, but it was enough to
remind me that we were safe. For now. I relaxed my posture as I exhaled.
At
my side, he positioned the phone so we could read the screen.
I
stared at the contact information, a line of pound signs. The meaning of the
symbols finally registered. The number was restricted and blocked. I read the
first line of the message.
This is Meg.
My
body was numb. I couldn’t feel my fingers or toes. They didn’t exist – or if
they did, I couldn’t control them. I reread the three words.
My
mom. I wasn’t sure I wanted read on. Not just because I didn’t want bad news, but
I didn’t want bad news that had anything to do with my family.
Reid
bumped his shoulder to mine. “I didn’t think we’d hear from your mother this
soon after her last message.” His voice was quiet.
It
had been three days since I’d seen her face on her video message. Three days
ago seemed like forever, yet it didn’t.
The
phone buzzed again, making me jump, waking my body from a fear-induced
paralysis.
Eli and I are redirecting to the
Hub. 3 Founders need to be present to make executive decisions for the entirety
of the Resistance. If the need arises, I have to be present. We should be there
before you arrive. The Council is unaware there is a mole within the Hub. Use
caution.
Hearing from my family made my heart burst
with sweet relief because it was confirmation they were still alive and well.
But fear squashed the celebration, turning my blood to cement.
I
needed a minute to think. I couldn’t let my family go to the Hub with no way to
protect themselves. I shoved the phone out of my line of sight, toward Reid.
Instead of moving, he caught my hand and whisked me around to face him. “Josie,
I know that look.” He let my hand fall. “If I take you to the Hub instead of
the safe house, not only will I be disobeying direct orders, but it could get
both of us, and possibly others, killed. You’d be giving the mole what he wants
– you.”
He
was right – the mole wanted me. And
the best way to get to me was through what I cared about most, the people I
cared about most. My family.
I
took a step away from Reid, the back of my legs hitting the bed. I sank down
onto the mattress.
I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t put two
words together. My thoughts jumped from the mole, to my family, to the
Consortium.
Reid
stepped in front of me, his sober expression replaced with brows arched in
concern. “Josie, I understand how you must be feeling—more than you know. But
I’m supposed to keep you safe.”
I
shoved off the bed. My knees buckled immediately and I rocked onto my heels,
falling back to the mattress. Frustration clamped down on my emotions and I was
ready scream. I couldn’t look at Reid, but I held a palm up as I stared at the
phone still in his hand.
He
gave me his phone, the text message already pulled up on the screen. Then he
sat next to me, making the bed dip under his weight. I read the message again.
What
were my choices? If I went to the Hub, the biggest community of the Resistance,
I’d be trapping myself with someone who wanted me dead. If I went into hiding
with Reid, I’d still be hunted by the Consortium. Neither option was a
vacation.
The
muscles in Reid’s jaw flexed as his gaze traveled over my face. “I know your
family means everything to you. Eli shouldn’t have to be involved in this.”
That
was the part I couldn’t take. I let my head drop into my hands, slumping
between my knees. The smell of bleach from the linens was almost comforting.
I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that
Eli would be staying in the same compound as the mole, as the person who helped
Santos try to kill me. Swallowing the ache in my throat and the sting in my
sinuses, I willed away my tears.
“Josie.”
There was desperation in Reid’s voice.
Clearing
my throat, I slowly sat upright and lifted my eyes to meet Reid’s.
Reid
looked toward the window. “The Consortium wants all Anomalies dead because
we’re too dangerous. And since you’re on your way to being the most powerful
Anomaly on the planet, you aren’t just the target – you are the freaking
bullseye.”
I
wasn’t what mattered. Eli would be in danger. I was the only one who could
protect him. I was the only one who could protect a lot of people.
Reid
stood and crossed the small room to shut off the air unit. A whole new world of
muted sounds came to life. A mourning dove cooed nearby, two housekeepers spoke
in hushed tones outside as they pushed a cleaning cart on the cracked sidewalk,
and a truck rumbled in the distance. There were spaces in the new quiet, spaces
with virtually no sound but plenty of room for thought.
My
family was bait. Fury simmered in my stomach.
I
shoved off the bed and stepped to Reid’s side, making him look at me. His eyes
fluttered shut. “I wish I could just take you away from all this.” His dark
lashes fanned upward as he opened his eyes. “But this is your decision.”
His
compassion for me meant more to me than I would be able to convey to him. If
this were a normal life and we were normal people, his care for me would’ve
been all I needed. But our world was anything but normal. My safety didn’t
matter, no matter how much he cared about me. My priority was keeping my family
and others safe. If that put me in harm’s way, so be it. “You and I are more
powerful than the mole and we’ll out number him. Statistics are in our favor.
And he doesn’t get to use my family as bait.”
Reid
shook his head and something flickered in his eyes. He tugged me against him,
my chest colliding against his. My fingers dug into him, pulling him closer.
Terror
trickled through my nervous system, seeping through every inch of me, infusing
my body. “I need to go to the Hub,” I whispered. It wasn’t a want, it was a
need. I needed to keep my family safe. And in doing that, I’d be facing my own
mortality. But what scared me more was facing their mortality, Eli’s mortality.
I’d already lost one brother.
Standing
in front of the lone motel room window, our bodies bathed in rays of morning
sunshine, to anyone watching, we would have looked like we were glowing from
within, like superheroes. But superheroes wouldn’t let fear cripple them like
this.
Reid let his forehead rest against mine and
closed his eyes. “I don’t like this idea for a lot of reasons. But I know
that’s selfish.” Blue eyes stared into mine. A sadness masked his face that I
didn’t understand.
“Sorry,”
I whispered.
He
pressed his lips into a tight line. “Let’s go.” He squeezed me then turned to
the bed.
“How
are we going to find the mole?”
He
zipped his duffle bag. “I have no idea, Josie.”
I
plucked my phone from the bedside table, the varnish of the dark wood worn
along the edges. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “You need to know
something. We have to be different in
the Hub.” He shook his head. “We can’t, uh,” his voice scratched. “We can’t do
this in there.”
“What?”
I let my gaze drop to the ground.
“Josie.”
I couldn’t look at him until I was sure the sting in my eyes had dissipated.
“Josie, look at me.”
That
was my luck. My first boyfriend ever broke up with me on my birthday, then my
long-time crush ended anything between us before we even had a chance. Two guys
ditching me in under two weeks. That had to be some kind of record. For losers.
The
shabby motel floor creaked under our feet as Reid dropped his bag, stepped in
front of me. “We have to play by the rules in the Hub, and I’m someone who
trains others to follow the rules.
One of the rules? No trainer-trainee relationships. A romantic relationship
between trainers and trainees clouds the trainer’s judgment. So we can’t do
this.” He motioned between us.
Understanding
why didn’t make the rejection any less painful.
Reid
dipped his head, his dark hair falling forward, leaving an inch between our
noses. “Make no mistake, I love what we have.” The deep line between his brows
reappeared. “But going into the Hub means putting the mission before us. And
I’m all for it. We don’t want anyone, including the mole, to know we have a
relationship. It would be used against us. A relationship in the Hub could hurt
you. I can’t put you in more danger than you already are. We can’t be anything
more than friends for now.”
He
was right, but that wasn’t going to stop the hurt. What we had wasn’t just a
two-week whirlwind romance; this was a lifetime of growing a relationship. I
couldn’t move. I’d lost my family, my friends, my home. I’d naïvely thought
maybe I could have the one guy who understood what I’d lost and understood me.
A
weird pressure bloomed in my chest, but I had to ignore it. I had to move and
focus before tears fell and I was a puddle on the floor. Besides, we needed to
get on the road. I backed away from Reid. “Come on.” Stepping to the bed, I
flung my backpack over my shoulder. “We have to catch a mole. Before he kills
my family. Or me.”
Reid
snagged his duffle, his face drawn in worry, and opened the heavy door,
squinting into the bright morning light. We secured our bags and our helmets,
and I climbed on the bike behind Reid. I forced myself to move as though
nothing was different, touching Reid when I had to without reservation. But
everything was different.
Reid
turned the key, revved the throttle, and the engine roared to life under us.
Turning his head over his shoulder, his pale irises met mine. “Last chance.
Left to Flagstaff or right to the Hub?”
My
chest felt restricted, like I couldn’t pull in a full breath. “Right.” I
gripped his waist, anticipating the turn.
He
didn’t reply, but he moved his hand on top of mine for a second to squeeze it.
Bits of asphalt spat away from the tires as we headed north toward the Hub in
the Rockies. The wind whipped through my hair, a flame of red twisting behind
me from under my helmet.
In
Star Wars terms, I was Luke Skywalker and the Consortium was my own version of
the Empire who wanted to wipe out all Jedi. We were off to join the Rebels –
the Resistance in the Hub.
The
white line on the road trailed alongside the motorcycle, as if it were holding
our hands, guiding us. There was something comforting about that white line.
Even if it had to break, it came back. That’s what Reid had been for me the
last couple weeks – my anchor.
I tightened my hold around Reid’s waist, pressing my body
against his back. The warmth of his leather jacket against my stomach combated
the cool breeze that had picked up the higher we climbed into the mountains as
our journey stretched late into the day.
An
hour ago, he’d said we would be to the Hub soon. I hoped for my numb butt’s
sake it was sooner rather than later. Despite the peacefulness in watching the
highway disappear in the mirror, the growl and whoosh of each semi passing us
in the opposite direction made me flinch. With each flinch, I was taken back to
the moment I Pushed the lightning that killed Santos. My mind was stuck,
replaying the image over and over. The white light had temporarily blinded me
as it streaked down the oil-slicked sky to Santos, making me flinch. Santos’
body had convulsed, his face contorted in horror.
No
matter what I had done the last few days, how often Reid had made me laugh, or
how much we’d kissed late at night, guilt and shame had weaseled into my
thoughts. The guilt-shame of taking Santos’ life wasn’t letting up. In fact, it
was getting worse.
We
rounded a bend in the road and my chest twisted as if someone were ringing me
out like a wet towel. My left lung ached like nothing I’d felt before. Was it
my lung, though? Or was it my heart?
Was
this what it was like as Santos drowned? Had his lungs hurt and was his heart on
the verge of explosion? Another picture of Santos coming after me on the beach,
a sick and menacing smile on his lips, flickered in my mind.
Another
eighteen-wheeler passed and the lightning flashed in my mind again. When the
face came into focus though, it wasn’t Santos – it was Eli.
Fear
gripped me and I beat both hands on Reid. That’s when I noticed my hands were
shaking, and my heartrate matched the rhythm of the shaking, fast and sporadic.
Frantic.
“Josie?”
he yelled over his shoulder. I couldn’t manage words, I just beat my right fist
into his back, holding on for dear life with my left arm, hooking it around his
middle.
Reid
slowed around the next curve then pulled off the road at a scenic lookout. I
jumped off the bike before it came to a complete stop, flinging my helmet off
of my head. The gravel crunched under my boots as I ran to the edge of the
lookout. Leaning over the railing, bracing myself on my forearms, I hung my
head as I concentrated on deep inhales and slow exhales.
Reid’s
feet crushed the gravel as he sprinted to me. “Josie?” His voice was a higher
pitch than I’d heard before and it cracked at the end of my name.
His
warm hand landed gently on my back. “What’s wrong?”
I
shook my head, unable to answer.
Santos was a traitor. Santos tried
to kill me. I will not be the reason Eli dies.
A panic attack over Santos and this mole and
imagining myself kill my little brother. At least that’s what I thought it was.
I just needed the feeling to pass.
I
held up a finger, continuing inhaling through my nose to the count of four and
exhaling through my mouth to slow my breath and pulse.
Santos was a traitor. Santos tried
to kill me. I will not be the reason Eli dies.
I
wiped the perspiration on my forehead away with the back of my hand. Reid
didn’t force me to speak, but patiently stood behind me, his hand still on my
back.
I
eventually straightened, letting out a long, pain-free sigh. Finally, I could
breathe.
“Santos?”
he whispered. I nodded and my heart squeezed again just hearing his name, but
not as severe this time.
His
hand slowly roamed up to my shoulder. “Are you okay?” That was a loaded
question.
No,
I wasn’t okay, but he already knew that. He’d held me every night when I woke
screaming from nightmares. He’d listened as I rehashed the Consortium’s attack
on the rooftop after the serum handoff to the vice president. He’d watched me
grow up with my family and knew they were everything to me.
I
touched my fingertips to his hand gripping my shoulder. I wanted to throw my
arms around him and burrow my head into the crevice of his neck, the place I
fit perfectly. I wanted to breathe in the smell of him, a clean, musky scent,
and feel his warmth around me. Instead, I pulled my fingers away and nodded. “I’ll
be fine.” The words came out quieter than I intended.
I
finally raised my eyes to take in our view. A blanket of evergreens covered the
mountains surrounding us. “This puts Endor to shame.” I wished it were Endor.
No one would be hunting me there.
Crickets
had begun their evening song, serenading us, filling in the silence. Moving
forward, I leaned against the aluminum guard rail, the metal cool on my upper
thighs through my jeans. I kicked a spray of gravel, rocks assaulting plants on
the way down the side of the mountain into the gorge.
Reid
stepped beside me, his presence simultaneously calming because he had been my support
since this whole mess started weeks ago, yet jarring because he couldn’t play
the same role anymore. I cleared my throat. “This is beautiful.”
His
eyes focused on the mountains in front of us. “This is home,” he said.
“Welcome
home.” I guessed this was my home now. Temporarily. Indefinitely. I didn’t
know.
I
stared at the place where the mountaintops kissed the watercolor sky. Pink
cotton candy clouds battled shadows gobbling up the mountains. The sharp smell
of pine reminded me of family camping trips – Nick and I racing through the
woods and stony creek beds. The scent made me want to run, faster than I had
ever before. Run to Mom and Eli in the Hub and find the mole.
Running
to them also meant losing my relationship with Reid. As much as I wanted to get
to the Hub for them, part of me didn’t. Reid was my older brother’s friend who
I’d secretly had a thing for since I was little. He was the one person I’d
always wanted. How was I just supposed to turn off those feelings?
Reid
turned to face me, his hand reaching for mine, but he allowed it to drop before
he touched me. He was afraid to get close. He was putting space between us to
keep me safe.
I
had to let him go. An invisible pain spread through me. I was a piece of glass
struck by a hammer. A spider-web of cracks hid under my skin. I hadn’t thought
being kept safe could hurt more than being in danger.
I
closed the space between us, his face only inches from mine. His eyes shut for
a moment as he sighed. “Josie.” The word was drawn out and whispered.
I
traced his jawline with my forefinger. I had to get close. I needed it. I
needed him. I shifted my weight forward to rise up on my toes, to touch my lips
to his, but then I stopped.
I
couldn’t kiss him when I couldn’t have him. I backed away, instantly feeling
chilly.
A
crease formed between his eyes. “We probably need to get going.”
This
was it. We were done.
I
turned to his motorcycle, but a Jeep had replaced Reid’s bike. Two weeks ago
that would’ve freaked me the hell out, but not anymore. I opened the door of
the vehicle and slid into the seat, limp and numb, sadness weighing me down. I
stared out the windshield, focused on the mountain across the valley, but I
wasn’t really seeing it. In my peripheral, Reid scooted behind the wheel and
sat unmoving for several seconds. He hit the steering wheel with the palm of
his hand, making me jump in my seat.
Reid
turned toward me, his gaze intense. He swiftly slid his hand behind my neck and
pulled me to him.
His
lips crashed to mine and pressed my mouth open. The warmth of his hand cupping
my face and the grip on my waist, as if I’d disappear, fused me back together,
making me whole again. My fingers twisted in his hair, pulling him closer. When
his tongue swept over mine, my soul ignited. Reid was the human form of helium,
making me weightless, letting me soar. We kissed until we were both breathless.
I
let my hands slip down to his chest, his heart thumping against my palms.
“Reid,” I breathed.
His
mouth hovered inches from mine. “That
is how I feel about you,” he whispered, his breath tickling my lips. “I can’t
do it. I can’t be without you. We’re stronger together.”
I
pulled in a deep breath, thinking maybe I would fly away from the brief high of
overwhelming joy. “I need you.”
He
rested his forehead to mine. “You have me.”
He
moved the hand on my waist to my jaw, his thumb sweeping across my cheek. “We
can be together, but we have to hide it. It has to be only in private.”
“Okay.”
He
glanced down to my lips. “And I can’t wait until the next time I can do that.”
The
mere idea of there being another time he’d kiss me with that kind of intensity
heated my cheeks.
Reid
sat back in his seat, started the engine, and gave me his flirty half smile I’d
grown to adore. “Let’s go.”
I
flipped down the visor and peeked in the mirror. Some tendrils of hair were
wavy, some straight, and all of it completely out of control. My hair might as
well be Captain Davey Jones’ tentacles from the Pirates of the Caribbean
movies.
With
the next blink I Pushed and a hair band appeared in my palm. I no longer felt
like getting sick each time I Pushed or Retracted reality.
Inspecting
my hair, I Pushed my strawberry blonde strands straight then pulled it into a
ponytail. Every Push or Retraction came with a price. Each Oculi had a bank of
energy that was limited and every manipulation of reality was an energy
withdrawal. When the bank was empty, it was empty. Oculi were encouraged to not
waste Pushes and Retractions on little things we could do ourselves.
I,
on the other hand, was the daughter of the two scientists who’d taken the
amplifying serum. My energy bank, like my older brother’s had, seemed to work a
little different than other new Anomalies. I seemed to have endless energy. In
fact, I had to use my energy, release some by Pushing and Retracting, just to
take the edge off. My energy had grown in the last three days even, almost
radiating off me at times. I’d only had these abilities for a couple weeks and
I was growing more powerful each day.
“Is
what I’m wearing okay?” I asked, checking out my retro Princess Leia tee and
holey jeans.
“Yeah.
You look…” He glanced at me as he drove and a mischievous grin slid across his
lips.
“What?”
My nerves were shot and we weren’t even to the Hub yet.
He
shook his head, smiling to himself. “You’re fine.”
“Okay.
I guess I’ll trust you on that.” Even though everyone at the Hub would know who
I was, I wanted to make a good impression. Everyone in the Hub would have
varying expectations of me, since I was the daughter of one of the founding
families of the Resistance. Plus, my older brother had an Oculi degradation in
the Hub, a rare consequence of observing reality into existence. Our
observations traveled through the optic nerve to our brain. Sometimes our
observations could randomly fry our nerves, which, could lead to degradation of
the parietal lobe, cerebrum, and cortex. A possible side effect of this kind of
degradation was a psychotic break.
“You
can trust me.” His eyes locked on mine, this time not accompanied by a smile.
“With everything.” He turned his attention back to the road, his profile dark
against the waning sunset.
I
was banking on that trust. I wouldn’t be able to do anything without it. “I
need to make sure I have this straight. Right now our plan is to figure out a
way to expose the mole, possibly with me as the bait.” I knew he didn’t like
that idea, so I ignored his serious side-eye and continued. “This guy wants me
dead, so he’s almost definitely going after my family. He may also try to take
the Resistance down from the inside. Aaaand, we don’t know if he is working
with anyone else inside the Hub, like he was with Santos.”
“You got it, babe.”
Anger seethed in my stomach as I watched thunderhead clouds
billow from behind the mountain peaks. Energy buzzed in my fingers. This mole,
this accomplice to my attempted murder, this orchestrator of the deaths of
innocent people, didn’t know what was coming for him.
